Relieved

I'm Charlie, a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I survived the night. I woke up this morning with that relieved feeling, like - "I didn't binge last night!" Almost surprised. But grateful, really grateful.

I'm in a hotel, listening to Sara Groves, drinking coffee and checking in. I think I see now that I have to have a time EVERY DAY where I focus on God and me and my abstinence. I always think I'll just be fine. I start treating this like a diet instead of like a Program that is going to save my life.

I led worship at a church last night as the guest worship leader. It was cool... And this morning I'm going to do it twice more. Then I'll be hooking up with my family and heading over to another worship leading gig at a camp.

God is taking care of me, even though it's not how I would have done it. Oh, God, help me to trust You. Oh God, please don't let us down.

So today I commit to three meals and no snacks. And my three meals will be moderate. And nothing but WHOLE grains. If I have any grains.

Here's to life!

Desperate

Charlie. Compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I'm bummed and tired and eating a lot of fast food. I'm off the plan and hating it. It is NOT freeing. it is NOT fun. It does NOT taste good, not really. It SUCKS.

But I have a choice. Always. Every day, every moment. I have a choice now, to surrender. I have a choice to work my Program and turn my life and my will over to the care of my God.

I keep getting what feels like bad news on the job front. I'm entering my fourth week of unemployment. I am scared. I need money. My family needs health insurance. My sweet daughter has been crying every night for 2-3 nights because she wants to live in a house of our own instead of with grandma and grandpa. I don't blame her. I know on a deep level this is very unsettling to the kids. It's very unsettling to me.

I believe. I know God has a plan. I know there's a place for us. But I don't see it yet. And I don't know how we'll survive until then.

I believe there's power and peace in turning it over. That's what I need to do. That's what I choose to do. I'm not helpless. God has given me choice. I choose good. I choose right. I choose well. I choose health. I choose life. I choose God.

Starting now. Not tomorrow, not after the next meal or drink. Now. God help me.

Damn. Looks like it was relapse.

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

Crazy times. Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett dead. My life keeps moving forward. And I keep eating. Gotta do that to live, right?

But I have to start fresh again today. I can choose life. I can choose to be healthy and free. Thank God.

Relapse is so easy. Recovery takes a lot of work.

A New Day

Charlie. Compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie::

Chose to go off-plan yesterday. Only time will tell if it's a little step off the path or the first step in a spiraling relapse.

I was slipping... here and there, but slipping. A lot. Look at my last post.

It was Father's Day, and we went to a Mexican buffet for brunch. I had my first dessert in 3-1/2 months. And then cake last night for a birthday celebration.

Now I'm on again. You know, it made me feel gross. I think I am happiest on-plan.

Here's to abstinence! My plan is three meals a day. Alcohol in moderation is OK. Whole grains only. Maximum 2 pieces of bread morning and night.

Checking In

Hey, my name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I have so much to say. It's been so long since I last wrote here.

My family has moved across the country to live with my wife's parents. 8 of us in a very small house.

I'm unemployed and waiting for a job. Some look good, but it's all a waiting game, and I'm not a very patient person. I know God is in control, but the money in the bank never was a lot, and it's running out... slowly but surely.

In the move and the chaos, I've put back on a couple of pounds... Today I was 201.8. Still not BAD, but not really good. This morning I committed to getting really serious about my program for the next 30 days, to tighten things up, so to speak. No flour at all (not even the whole-grain breads I love so much) and NO ALCOHOL. On the greysheet plan, you're not supposed to have alcohol anyway, but I always let that one slide... I like beer and wine when I'm in social situations, and I've been in a lot of those lately.

So I'm back to three meals a day, NO SUGAR OF ANY KIND, NO BREAD or GRAINS, and NO ALCOHOL for thirty days. That means on July 15 I'll re-evaluate everything. But until then I need to be abstinent.

I've just been slipping and sliding way too much. It had been a pretty clean streak up to there, 100 days of slow, steady weight loss and abstinence. (Notice the order I put those two words in... Maybe that says something.) But I've been letting in small things. Beer. A chai latte now and then. First it was occasionally, just a grande. Then it quickly jumped up to venti and several times a week. So predictable.

Well, I'm back. God, help! I need to be abstinent today and always. I give it to you.

Oh, and could you get me a job so my family can have insurance and income again? Thanks.