Doing Whatever It Takes - And Gratitude for a Great Weekend

My name is Charlie, and I'm a recovering compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I just wanted to take a moment and express my gratitude for another great week in recovery. I've continued to work my HOW program, committing my food every day, reading AA literature and writing answers to questions. I call three people every day. And I get to a meeting every week.

I had a really wonderful weekend with my oldest son. On Thursday night I had a gig with my band, and I talked him into coming with me. Of course, this was only a cover for my real plan... We left the gig, and instead of going home, I started driving in the other direction entirely! I had already packed the car with clothes and everything we would need for our time together.

Eventually he figured out that it was taking us a long, long time to get home. We ended up at a big beautiful lake house owned by some friends in my church. We stayed there two nights, rented a jet ski, jumped off a 40-foot cliff into the lake... and then ended our time with a ride in a friend's airplane! It was amazing. Such a wonderful time of bonding.

I'm amazed and grateful that I have friends with resources to allow me to give my son a great experience like this. And I'm so, so grateful that I had the willingness to go to any lengths to keep my abstinence.

I committed and packed all my food for the weekend in advance. When I got the the lake, there was no wi-fi anywhere... but cell reception was fine. Great. I could call my sponsor. I could make my program calls. I'd be OK.

And then my phone got wet on the jet ski... and died. Perfect.

You know what? I was able to pray (I actually said the serenity prayer on the spot) and then just turn it over. I began to think about how I was going to connect with my sponsor at our appointed time the next day. I didn't even have her phone number, because it's stored in my cell phone. But I DO have her email address in my computer, even though there was no wi-fi. So after driving through the neighborhood looking for wi-fi to "borrow" and finding none, I called my wife on the lake house's land line, gave her my sponsor's email and asked her to email on my behalf. I asked her to ask my sponsor to call me on the lake house's line in the morning. What a pain!

And then in the morning my phone was all dried out and worked fine. Thank God!

I'm just so glad that I didn't go to the food, and I didn't give up. I prayed, I surrendered, and I did my best... and God did God's part, and it all came together.

And it was an amazing weekend. I'm so grateful.

Revelation Song

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

It's Sunday afternoon, and I had a really wonderful time in church this morning. I was especially moved leading and singing a song called "Revelation Song." Here's a Youtube clip of Kari Jobe singing it with Gateway Church in Austin. I'll post the lyrics too, because they are very moving to me... the majesty and power of God. So many contemporary worship songs treat God like a buddy. And there is some truth and comfort in the idea that God is right here with me, a friend who is closer than anyone else. I'm glad I can celebrate a God like that. But it is also important to remember that God is above us, all-powerful and, in many ways, unknowable. It is right for us to approach God with a sense of awe, wonder and reverence. I think this song gets that aspect of worship right.

For those unfamiliar with Christian worship, this may seem really weird, and rightly so. It's like a rock concert mixed with a church service mixed with a little tent-revival Pentacostalism. My church isn't nearly as over-the-top emotive, rock-show spectacular or... well, loud. But we do believe that when we gather together, something special happens. We really experience the presence and the power of the living God. And, although I often struggle with the balance between performance and worship, today was - for me - a great morning.

(And - just for the record - this is only one teeny-tiny little glimpse into what Christian worship is all about. One song in one church. For many Christians, this would be unrecognizable. In Protestant Evangelicalism, anyway, there are as many styles of worship as there are churches, for better or for worse.)

Kari Jobe is a really wonderful writer and singer. You may not worship and follow Jesus like I do, but I hope you can at least catch a glimpse of your Higher Power in this song.



Revelation Song
Written by Jennie Lee Riddle

Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
Holy, holy is He
Sing a new song to Him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was and is and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Clothed in rainbows of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be
To You, the only wise King

Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your name
Jesus, Your name is power, breath and living water
Such a marvelous mystery

(c) 2004 Gateway Create Publishing

::EDIT:: I'm frustrated that I can't get the video embedded correctly. If you watch it here, it cuts off on the side. Oh well, if you wanna see it, you can click through to Youtube. :)

My Wordle

Hi, I'm Charlie, a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I thought this was pretty cool... Wordle.net creates a graphic representation of your blog or Twitter stream or whatever. Try it for yourself!

Spiritual and Emotional Recovery

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I'm up early, writing on the concept of dependence for my sponsor. I need to call her in 10 minutes or so, but I thought I'd take a moment and post.

Today marks Day 21. I can't believe it. Thank You, God, for three weeks' abstinence in this program. I absolutely could not be doing this in my own strength.

I know it's not about the weight. Really, I do. But I was happy last night when my wife came home from being with some friends and mentioned that they were all noticing and asking about my weight loss. I haven't been on a scale in a while, so I don't even know how much I've lost, but it must be starting to show. I'm up in front of people a lot, so they have a lot of opportunities to notice.

************************************

Just got off the phone with my sponsor; she and I talked about this weight loss comment and how to react to it. We've talked a lot about focusing on the emotional and spiritual recovery rather than the physical. But how does the average person notice that in my life? It would have been amazing last night if those women had said, "Charlie seems so serene and purposeful these days... What's different?" But that's not likely to happen. Society focuses on the outside.

I'm reminded of 1 Samuel 16:7. God is guiding his prophet, Samuel, as Samuel discerns Israel's next king. God says to Samuel: "Do not consider his appearance or his height.... The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

I'm going to ask some people who are close to me - my wife, in particular, but also some program friends who never see me at meetings - to help me in this regard. To help me stay focused on my spiritual and emotional recovery. I will have plenty of help staying focused on the weight.

Alive and Well

My name is Charlie, and a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I haven't posted in a while. Just busy. Nothing's wrong, thank God! I am still abstinent. Almost three weeks in the H.O.W. regimen now.

I don't really have a lot to say tonight, so I'll keep it short. I just wanted to check in and let you know I'm alive and well.

Goodnight. :)

Happy, Joyous and Free

My name is Charlie. I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I feel pretty good today. I woke up at 5:30, read the AA Big Book and wrote on Step 2. I called my sponsor at 6:00, committed today's food to her and read her my writing. I have gotten in two program calls so far, and I have eaten two abstinent meals. I have been more present at work, and I feel good here at the end of my workday... Like I've been worth the money they pay me.

You know something else? My shirt feels looser today. It's the same one I wore Saturday night, and it seemed a little tight then. But today it feels comfortable. Am I slimming down? I haven't been on a scale this week (and I won't weigh again until September 19), but I think I've lost a little weight.

It is at this stage of the game that I normally start to rationalize sneaking food, cheating "just a little" on my food plan, larger portions, etc. I have a tendency to sabotage the work that my Higher Power wants to do in and for me.

Not today. For today, I continue to surrender. I will follow the steps laid out for me to follow. With the Holy Spirit of God as my guide, comforter and strength, I will stay abstinent today. And more than that, I will recover. And more than that, I will live as I was created to live: Happy, joyous and free.

Hello?

My name is Charlie, and I'm a recovering compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I'm feeling angry today. I am calling people left and right. For a week now I've been making 3+ live outreach calls a day. Sometimes it's awkward. Sometimes I don't know what to say. Sometimes it's easy. Sometimes I can just be there for a friend in need, and sometimes people are there for me. Sometimes it's more like "Hello? Just checking in. How are you doing today? OK. Bye." Check. One down, two to go.

I guess my frustration is toward those people in program who don't call back! I have only received calls from two people out of all the people I've tried to call. I have some long-distance recovery friends. They call (THANK YOU!), but the local ones never do. Am I that scary? Do you not make outreach calls?

I think that's it. The phone is one of the tools which is rarely used. I know from experience how hard it is to call. I'm facing it every day, and honestly I'm probably only making some of these calls because I have to. But come on, people. A little reciprocation would make my day.