Lordy, Lordy, Charlie's Forty

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

And today I'm 40 years old. I'm grateful for many things... my (healthy) wife, my kids, my home and my job. I'm grateful for a God who loves me and who wants to be in relationship with me. I'm grateful that I have found a real relationship with that God through Jesus.

And I'm profoundly grateful that I can honestly say I'm happier and healthier at 40 than I was at 30. Recovery rocks.

Peace and blessings to all of you, my friends in OA and any other 12-Step fellowship. Thanks for your encouragement and support over the years.

Happy, happy birthday to me!

Back to Life, Back to Reality

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

It's 7:35 on Monday morning. I woke up at 5:30; made a pot of coffee; did my daily reading/writing assignment; talked to my sponsor at 6 to commit my food for the day and read my writing to her; made and ate a delicious, abstinent breakfast (4 oz. cottage cheese, 1 tbsp. almonds, 1 banana, 1 egg, 2 oz. sausage, 1 piece toast); worked on my to do list; read a little bit on my new Kindle (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, if you must know); put on one of my favorite albums from 2010 (Janelle Monae's The ArchAndroid); caught up on some blogs; and now I'm trying to muster up the energy to leave the table, take a shower and get dressed.

I have the kids at home for one more day before school starts, so I want to take them to a movie or something. Anyone seen Secretariat? That's probably what we'll see, cuz it's at the cheap theater. It's either that or the creepy looking CGI movie about owls... My oldest needs to take the test for his driver's permit. Ugh. And yay! Can't wait till he can take over some of the driving for the family.

Christmas was wonderful and stressful all at the same time, and I'm sad and happy it's over. My phone calls with my sponsor have been kind of free-floating over the past two weeks, but this morning we got back to our normal 6am time, and that feels good. As an addict in recovery, I function best with lots of structure in my life. It started with a structured program of recovery, but I'm finding that this structure finds its way into other parts of my life as well. I thrive when I'm living on-plan. My life has a framework. I get things done. I can rest in the reality that I've done what I can do every day.

So tomorrow it's back to work, full-time. I've been kind of free with work the past week as well. They were cool about it since I basically lived at the church over Christmas. Let's see, what's coming up in this semester?

I'm taking another seminary class online... Interpreting the Old Testament. (Although in honor of my friend G. Rabanon, maybe I should should re-name it, "Christians Trying to Interpret Hebrew Scripture.")

I'm considering incorporating some regular exercise into my life. (Oh dear, this is starting to sound like those dreaded "New Year's Resolution" thingies.) Honestly, though, I'm not sure I can find one more free hour in my week. God will lead me. Give me ears to hear and a willing heart, Lord...

Having worked with my first sponsee and dropped said sponsee (another post for another time), I am now ready to work with another. Let me know if you or someone you know needs a sponsor. I am happy to work with you/him/her if there is willingness to follow the HOW guidelines. One thing I'm very clear about is that I can only sponsor as I have been sponsored. I pass the program on as it's been passed down to me. Here are the guidelines I follow, in a nutshell, and I would be even more clear and specific if we talk about possibly working together. You can email me at charlie (dot) edinburgh (at) gmail (dot) com or call using the Google Voice number in the sidebar.

I'll be heading to Chicago for a conference in February. It's one of my favorite things to do every year. I see lots of great friends, experience wonderful rest and refreshment, hear great speakers and music and so on. And this year I'll be presenting a workshop one of the days. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. And I'm wondering what abstinence will look like for me that week. I'm planning to be abstinent, but I don't quite know how. I am not interested in future-tripping at this point, but I do need to start planning. I'll talk more about this as it gets closer.

Believe it or not, I need to start Easter planning. Easter is the high point of the year in terms of Christian worship. My choir is on hiatus until February 9, but when we come back together, I need to be ready for them and have all the music planned.

These are the things I often wait to do until the last minute... and although I always get through them, they are not as good as they could be if I had planned. I have hope that this year will be better - as I continue to work my program of recovery and live within this day-to-day structure.

And what would a new year be without the chaos of kids? In 2010, my kids will be involved in drum lessons, gymnastics, church youth activities, math tutoring, soccer, track, guitar lessons, piano lessons. Oh, and school. Oh, and Mrs. Charlie and I will be driving them to all these places.

OK, I think I have found the willingness to get off my ass. Sorry this post was so random... But look, I have posted three times in three days! Woo-hoo!

Late-Night Twitter Musings on the Love of God

Hi... My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I posted this long, rambling reflection on God's love last night on Twitter, 140 characters at a time.

Feeling connected to God tonight. #Grateful for a God who really truly loves us. I used to have a friend who doubted God's love for her.

She had come out of a life of real degradation, including drug addiction and prostitution.

But she had found a relationship with God through Jesus... and we served in ministry together.

She still struggled, though, with crippling self-hatred and self-sabotaging behaviors.

I would try to assure her that she was loved by God, & she would reply, in those times, w/ "So what's the big deal? If God loves everyone...

Then why is it special that God loves me?

I had a revelation one day that helped her - and ME - to understand a little better.

If God is a loving parent... then my love for my children is NOTHING compared to God's love for me.

And even though I love all of my kids the same AMOUNT...

I *don't* love them in the same way at all...

In fact, my love for my firstborn son is radically different from my love for my middle son. Which is different from my love for my daughter

and her twin brother. Equal love in many ways, but VERY different and unique love.

And... this was important to me anyway... the "kind" of love I have for my kids... it's based on who THEY are... as unique individuals.

I simply cannot love child 1 in the same "generic" way I love child 2... Impossible.

So each child get this radically unique love that is based in the relationship that he or she and I share...

NO ONE ELSE will ever share that love but that child and me. It's unique, special.

And I think that's how our God loves us.

With a radically unique love that only we as individuals can share with God...based on who we are and who God is.

It's truly a one-of-a-kind love in the history of the Universe because that's how unique we are.

The other piece of this lies in the unchanging nature of God... The love, although it is uniquely focused on each of us as individuals,

is not based on us... how "good" or "bad" we are...

Rather, it is based in who GOD is and the reality that God has chosen US and called us beloved... God's very own sons and daughters.

I try to communicate that love to my own children.

My love for my daughter, for instance, is not BECAUSE of her beauty...

Although she certainly is a little beauty...

No, I love her for one simple reason: She's MINE.

That will never change.

Appearance, talent, intellect, personality, circumstances of life...

Those are love-able things...

But they can change.

The reality that my children are MY CHILDREN. That doesn't change.

It lets my kids be secure in the fact that I will never, ever stop loving them.

(Wonder where all that came from tonight?)

Good night, Twitterverse. Rest in the arms of your Higher Power. U R loved with an everlasting love. Surrender to that loving Power tonight.