Whining My Way to Gratitude

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I have had a very, very, very, very long day. All Wednesdays are like this for me, but today seemed especially busy. I got up at 5:45 this morning, and I'm still up, typing this at 11:26pm. I'm so tired, but I couldn't go to sleep right now if I tried.

At the risk of sounding like a terribly whiner, I'm going to tell you what I did today.

Talked to sponsee at 6, realized I was out of eggs, drove to grocery store while talking to sponsee (wearing pajamas and slippers and a sweatshirt), bought eggs, drove home, made and ate breakfast, showered and got ready for work, stood out with twins at bus stop, worked on Eighth Step, called my sponsor, drove to work, worked from 9-3:30 (incredibly productive work, I might add - I am not often that productive), began my "afternoon taxi service": Picked up middle son at home, drove to school to pick up twins, drove girl twin to gymnastics, drove boys home to get boy twin's soccer stuff, made and ate snack, drove boy twin to soccer with older brother in tow, took older brother to church, ran to my office to get sheet music and check email, rehearsed with men's ensemble in choir room, rehearsed adult and children's choirs, rehearsed with singing group for Sunday, turned off lights throughout church, got stuff from my office, retrieved two patiently-waiting older sons and oldest son's friend, drove friend home, drove boys home, arrived at 9:40pm...

Aside, or "Mrs. Charlie: An Appreciation."

Discovered my sweet wife crashed in bed, miserable with headache. I would be remiss if I did not mention that Mrs. Charlie is an incredibly hard worker and all-around wonderful person. SHE also had a busy day, at her 8-5 full-time job. She left work, drove to gymnastics to pick up our girl twin, drove to the soccer field to pick up boy twin, then drove to church where she volunteers as a middle school small group leader in our confirmation program. Then she took the twins home, got them into bed and went to bed herself.

Sometimes I miss my wife... Especially on Wednesdays. You know, the whole "two ships passing in the night" thing...

Anyway, got home at 9:40 to find my wife in bed, the girl twin still awake, tossing and turning up in her bedroom. Sang James Taylor to her while scratching her back. "You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am I'll come running to see you again. Winter, spring, summer or fall... All you have to do is call and I'll be there. You've got a friend." Got the two big boys in bed, put the trash out for the garbage truck, emptied and re-loaded the dishwasher, put the rabbit in his cage for the night, made a delicious dinner (eggs, cheese and salsa in a brown rice tortilla with V8 to drink), ate it while reading some more of Jonathan Franzen's great novel "Freedom."

Fired up the Mac. Put iTunes on shuffle. Listened to Adele, Erin McKeown, Josh Woodward (Thanks, G.), Joan As Police Woman, The Choir, Sean Kingston, Sleeping At Last, Chris Tomlin. Blogged about my day.

Felt exhausted but happy. Grateful. Realized that God was with me all day, walking with me, holding me up, providing me with three OA friends who called ME, four healthy and satisfying meals, fulfilling work that pays me well enough, a house to come home to, reliable transportation, a lot of quality time with my kids in the minivan and great music.

The words to the song I'm listening to right now (Chris Tomlin's "Lovely") seem appropriate to close tonight:

As long as I live, I'll praise you, Lord.
Name above all, be lifted high
For all of my days, I worship you
I worship you

I Feel It... I Taste It... This Longing to Be Free

Hi, my name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I'm grateful today for 80 days of abstinence from compulsive overeating. It's been amazing so far, and I know I'm just starting out on the journey.

This song came up in shuffle this morning, and I thought I'd share it. It's good traveling music... Andrew Osenga recorded it a couple of years ago and gave it away for free on his website. It's from the album Letters to the Editor.



Swing Wide the Glimmering Gates
Andrew Osenga

I caught myself looking in the mirror
Wishing I was someone else
I was born with a bleeding heart
And veins of loneliness

And I know it, I’ve seen it, I’ve held it in my arms
But love can’t seem to break me down
And I’ve pleaded, I’ve begged and I’ve bloodied my eyes
Just to feel it, to believe it will stick around

Swing wide the glimmering gates

I told myself the habits and secrets
Were just to get me through, to get me through the nights
But I got lost in a world of angles,
In a city of greys and lies

And I feel it, I taste it, this longing to be free
Oh, the joy of believing like a child
So you, you there listening, will you send up a prayer
For me, to help me find the light

Swing wide the glimmering gates
Leave your pride and pain
Swing wide the glimmering gates
And be innocent again

One day I believe I will open up my eyes
Just to see the good work that was begun
And I’ll be the only things I’ve ever wanted to be
And I’ll know that I belong

Swing wide the glimmering gates
Leave your pride and pain
Swing wide the glimmering gates
And be innocent again

Pray Where You Are

Hi, my name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I love music. Music speaks to my soul the way nothing else can. I can't tell you how many times God has broken through to my hard heart, softened up my soul through music. So from time to time I'll share a song that means a lot to me. Back in April, 2009, I shared a Sara Groves song that still moves me to the core. Today, I was reminded of another song while I was talking with my sponsor. I was talking about how I can see God everywhere, how I've experienced God in people and places where I never expected to find God. She said that, for her, that meant that no matter where we are, no matter what situation we find ourselves in, we can turn to God. We can pray.

Here's a favorite song of mine by The Lost Dogs called "Pray Where You Are."



Pray Where You Are
Terry Taylor and The Lost Dogs
from the album "Little Red Riding Hood"

In the submarines and tanks
In the S & Ls and banks
In the cancer wards, the prisons and the bars
On the earth and on the moon
In the closet, in your room
In the flop houses, the think tanks and the farms
To the salesman forever trying to sell
To the faithful daughter walking to the well

Oh, pray where you are
Pray where you are
In the fields and in the factories
There's no limits, rules or boundaries
At work or school or driving in your car
Pray where you are

In the strip joints, in the church
On a desperate lost child search
On the airplanes and the backroads and the rails
On the blacktops, on the beach
Down a sewer and up a creek
In the penthouses, the gulags and the jails
To the criminal with no one left to con
To the movie star whose day has come and gone

To the junkie with his back against the wall
To the lawman as he breaks another law...

In the desert, off the shore
In peacetime and in war
In the pentagon, the court rooms and the malls
In the tents and in the caves
At the truckstops, by the graves
In our hopes and fears and struggles great and small
To the corner bum that no one seems to hear
To the president who prays for four more years