Thursday, February 28, 2008

Some History

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I've been on this OA journey now for about 19 months. In November 2006, I got serious about the HOW plan, totally went off of sugar and refined white flour, limited myself to three planned meals a day... It was hard, but God walked me through it, and I received many wonderful benefits in my life... including a 64-pound drop in my weight. I felt wonderful. I felt free from compulsion. I liked the way I looked.

And then, in May 2007, I forgot the basics. I forgot that I am powerless. I tried to take back control. I thought, "Surely one little milkshake from Baskin-Robbins won't hurt anything! I'll just have ONE sweet thing ever week."

Damn that decision. I have been in relapse ever since. I don't think I've had more than 20 days of abstinence since. And I've gone from thinking, "I'll never again weigh more than 180 pounds" to "Will I ever be below 190 again?"

I know it's not about weight. It's about moving away from compulsivity. But the weight is quite a symptom. I feel like a cow today.

Today is yet another Day One. Will I actually be able to turn it over to God the rest of the day? Will I actually be able to walk this road?

Honesty. Open-mindedness. Willingness.

Here we go again.

1 comment:

Fat Girl said...


Just letting you know that you're in my thoughts. Thanks for your openness and willingness.