Sunday, December 11, 2011

Coming Home

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I surrender. Again. I give up. I have to admit that I can't do this on my own. I am whipped. I am beat. I am hopeless and helpless without my Higher Power.

Since leaving HOW, I've had to experience again the insanity of my disease. I've had to go back to the sneaking food and the crazy thinking and the denials and the daily weigh-ins. I've obsessed over food and said I'd "start again tomorrow." I've gained at least 10 pounds. I've hated myself. I've given up the tools of the program, saying I really didn't need them, that I could just try a little harder, have a little more self-control.

The problem is, I don't have any self-control. I just don't. I have to surrender to the control of God. I have to give my life and my will to God's care. I'm so grateful I didn't have to gain 80 pounds back before I came home. I'm so glad I didn't have to eat myself to death. Because I could.

Thanks to all of you who have commented here and even emailed me. I'll get around to responding. I promise.

I'm back. Thanks for your love and support. I know you welcome me back with open arms. Because OA is home for me. It's home.


9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Big hugs Charlie from a fellow OA'er!

Anonymous said...

Dear Charlie, I haven't been in your blog for ages. Good to see that you are back 'home' = in recovery! I so relate to how you describe your relapse etc. I've felt tempted to go to HOW because I have weight to lose, but I know that for me it is not the answer. Nothing wrong with HOW, only something 'wrong' with me, I can't do diets. I would use it as a diet, I know that. My food is ok but not perfect. But free of sugar. I am always looking for 'perfect'... I am actually fine today! Have not obsessed about food or my body and have just eaten my meals. Am on a very challenging step 8. This time round, with new sponsor, it feels too much. Sponsor suggests that I make amends to everyone on my step 4 list. Here I'd like to swear...! All the best to you! Big hug! Sabilon

sabilon said...

Charlie, inspired by you I have been writing my blog again, on http://www.recoveringcompulsiveovereater.blogspot.com/

With love, Sabilon

Unknown said...

Just starting my journey
http://extrabuttonandbow.blogspot.com/

Sabilon said...

Charlie, where are you?! I hope you're ok!
A concerned Sabilon

Charlie O. Edinburgh said...

I'm OK... Thanks for your concern, sweet Sabilon. :) Blogging now...

zannelaw said...

Charlie,

I gained about 10-15 lbs in a week and half over Christmas. I couldn't stop and was EXTREMELY uncomfortable the entire time. I've never eaten so much food. I don't know anybody else who does this. I am glad to know (or maybe not) there are others who can't stop either.

Anonymous said...

I used to track my food in a Livestrong App while I was abstinent. i've started it up again now that I'm in full addiction, perhaps to see and fully come to grips with every bite and why it's important to me. Maybe I'll be abstinent again soon. Good luck to you on your journey, sir.

compulsive eating said...

good discuss on overeater.