Good morning... I'm Charlie, a compulsive overeater.
Well, friends... I'm doing OK today. I am sitting in a Panera Bread restaurant drinking coffee and working/blogging.
I walked in, though, and the smell about knocked me off my feet. I am a big fan of bread, so why I would choose to surround myself with it when it's not in my plan right now is a mystery to me. Damn, it smells good in here. My addict started whispering in my ear: "One bagel is NOT going to sabotage your food plan. You can get a whole grain bagel with no butter or cream cheese. You are on Day 26 of your food abstinence. You're going to add in whole grains in four days anyway. No one will know. Just do it."
And by the grace of God I opened my mouth and said, "Just a small coffee please."
This feels like it's taking a long time. But the miracles of recovery are already all around me. I don't have the crazy cravings I had just a month ago. There's a sense of peace around my eating. I am committed to this, one day at a time, for the long haul. I'm actually at peace (today, anyway) with the idea that I might never again, for the rest of my life, eat sugar. I still am compulsive about my weight, getting on the scale several times a day. And I want results faster, even though I have seen a 15-pound weight loss in less than a month (remarkable by any standard), I am not satisfied. I seem to remember a faster loss before, but I think I'm imagining things. I think I'm not satisfied because this is the THIRD time I've seen significant weight loss... and I'm not convinced I'll make it this time! I've done this so many times, lost 15-20 pounds and then put it back on and then some... But this time feels different again... I'm committed to my food plan. For Today, I'll make it... I'll make it...
I wonder if I need to make fewer weigh-ins part of my abstinence. That scares me, and I'm not willing to do it yet. But I'll think and pray about it - really. And if you have any feedback, I'm happy to receive it.