Thursday, September 17, 2009

Willingness and Conscious Contact with God

I'm Charlie, a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I'm willing today. Yesterday too. I can't imagine why. My circumstances haven't changed. I'm still stressed. I still am a new guy in a new job in a new state and a new house. I'm still buying that house, a first for me... We close Monday. Stressful. I still have a big family that I love but who drive me crazy sometimes!

So my circumstances haven't really changed, but the way I'm approaching them has. I'm a man of faith... always have been. And yet I often forget to give God my life... to place Him right in the center of all I am and all I do. I easily neglect daily time alone with God.

As part of my new life here, I decided that I needed to add structure. I can't do all I need or want to do in my life if I don't plan my life. So I sat down and created a schedule. Now this is often a recipe for failure for me. Being a perfectionist, the first time I deviate from the plan even a little, I often use that as an excuse to just say "Screw it!" and give up.

Not this time. I have actually been living on my schedule for 4 days now, and I haven't done it all perfectly, but I've stayed pretty close. And I'm actually 2 days abstinent now. Yesterday I actually ate abstinently through not one, but TWO buffet lines where I was a guest. Thank You, God!

I attribute this to one part of my daily schedule. At 8:30am, for four days now, I have spent time ALONE with God... reading scripture, reading a devotional book, journaling, praying, meditating.

And I'm growing stronger as I surrender. It's amazing. I'm grateful.


Anonymous said...

Keep Coming Back to meetings, and Work the 12 Steps! It works if you work it. Daily meditation time is very powerful too. :)

Jess B. said...

Hi. I'm Jess, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

This is hard to even write because I'm afraid what I write will make me sound stupid or nutty or I don't know. But here goes . . .

I finally went to my first OA meeting just three weeks ago after struggling with food all my life. It's scary going, and I really appreciate how candid and brutally honest you are in your journal. What's funniest is that I tripped over it today, precisely when I had a crisis of faith in OA and needed encouragement most. Talk about that Higher Power getting in there and intervening, hunh?

I have no sponsor to call (our group is VERY small), and reading even part of your journal relieved some anxieties I had. So far, I read your most recent entries then I started on your first entries of Blog 2.0 (to go forward from the beginning). I've both smiled and cried because of the things I recognize in my own life--helping me kick-start Step 4, which I am overwhelmed by at this point.

I know it's been a few weeks since you put up your last entry, but please don't stop writing Blog 2.0, Charlie.

Thank you, Charlie, and I will keep coming back.

Jess B. said...

Hi, I'm Jess, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

I saw your graph at skinnyr, and I wanted to let you know that I am supporting you. I'm sorry that you're frustrated. Is it possible your food plan might need to be adjusted to fit you better (instead of trying to fit yourself to the plan)? I know I rebel on most diet plans.

I haven't weighed myself at all since I started OA--partially because I don't own a scale yet and partially because I am not strong enough not to transfer my compulsive eating into compulsive weighing (On Weight Watchers, I weighed myself several times daily).

I like OA because it's not a weight loss plan. I failed at weight loss plans because I never dealt with food's power over me. Once I acknowledged I have a lifetime addiction disease, the weight issue really took back burner. Food was my Higher Power, whether I compulsively ate or compulsively starved myself. I gave my will and my life to food, and it was killing me. Between the chest pains and the depressing realization it was a matter of time before I got diabetes, I couldn't go on like this. And I can't do it alone. I need OA, my group, and my Higher Power to get me through today.

You can get through just today, Charlie; you've done it before. Don't think about staying on your food plan tomorrow until tomorrow arrives. Your will and life belongs to your Higher Power, maybe talking and listening to your HP will help you find the solace you need. Your Higher Power and the tools of OA have gotten you through tough times just like this one--they'll get you through this one, too. And if today doesn't turn out as expected or hoped, just start over tomorrow morning.

But you and I and your HP and OA knows you can make it through the next 12 hours. That's all you need to do. Let tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year stay where they are, and let any relapses yesterday go. Today, you can do it. Just for today.

Charlie O. Edinburgh said...

You guys are awesome. Thank you so much for your comments. Jess B. - Thanks for coming back and keeping in touch. I'm back!!