Saturday, June 5, 2010

More Step Work

Hi Everyone. I'm Charlie, a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

More First Step work...

1a. What other solutions have I tried, and what were the results? Am I still looking for a solution outside OA?

Well. I've tried Weight Watchers, the cabbage soup diet, the Atkins diet, the Master Cleanse, a personal trainer who made me a great food plan, fasting, and compulsive calorie-counting.

The results? When I did the calorie-counting along with exercise, I lost a lot of weight and felt great about myself. Then I gained it all back.

When I did OA the first time, I lost a lot of weight and felt great about myself. Then I gained it all back.

Cabbage soup was nasty. Master Cleanse was awful. I starved the whole time and ended up cheating, stopping the fast early and binging on cheeseburgers. The personal trainer. Huh. He's a friend of mine, and I'm basically wallowing in shame right now because I've been ignoring his generous help and support. I'm basically avoiding him. Weight Watchers was OK, but honestly, it was a bummer because I was the only man there. Similar to OA, at least here in my city, but OA is better.

Yes, I'm still looking for a solution outside OA. I don't want to admit I'm sick. I want to think I can just somehow get it together and get thin.

I'm so tired of feeling fat. I'm as fat as I've ever been today. I have some gigs coming up, and I just want to look like a rocker. I sound like one... the band it awesome, and I feel great about my vocals. But I feel like I don't look the part. I'm singing these bad-ass songs, and I feel like people will be judging me based on my weight. No one will think I'm sexy, and no one will think I'm a bad-ass.

Not that I am... but when you're singing rock songs with a band, you wanna come across that way, right?

The good news is that I am not eating tonight, even though I want cereal so badly my mouth is watering. I've been drinking water.

I don't have a food plan right now. My sponsor and I have no relationship to speak of. I never call her. I wonder if I could look to find another one outside of this area... Maybe a former OA friend from the Bay Area... I think I'll look into that. Help, God!


The Binge Diary said...

I could have written his post word for word ( except the being a man part)! I have done most if the diets you've named and had the same response. You are not alone.

Charlie O. Edinburgh said...

Thanks for reading and commenting. I am feeling better tonight. And I know I'm not alone. Thanks for reminding me with your presence and your words.

tanya.geiger7 said...

i am with you. i too keep looking for other solutions because i want to be well, functional and most importantly skinny without giving up the food - and that is the sickness really isn't it.