Sunday, March 20, 2011

Very Demotivational

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I am having a really hard time finding any desire to blog at all. Honestly, I can't remember a time when I've been so unmotivated to write.

I think I'm simply overwhelmed by all I want to say. Sometimes I think blogging feeds two of my most glaring character defects: perfectionism and people pleasing. I want you all to like me. I want to come across as funny and cool and insightful and authentic... and sometimes that desire guides my posts.

And perfectionism. Well gosh. Sometimes I agonize over every word, every punctuation mark. Should I use a semicolon here? An ellipse...?

Sometimes it's easier just to stay away.

And then there's the time factor. A good, well-written blog post is not something that i can just toss off! I get sucked in. I'm here for a long time.

So here it is, Sunday night at 8:42. I have a little time, but I don't think I want to spend it at my laptop. I have so much to write about... Should I write about the 5K I'm running in May? What my 5th Step experience was like? I could write about the OA retreat coming up this weeked and how behind I feel in preparing for that? I'd love to write about body image issues and the astonishing thing my chiropractor said a while back. ("You have such a light frame... You'll make an excellent runner." What!? Who are you talking to!?)

But I think I'm going to read instead. I've been reading a lot of fiction lately. I'm so grateful for the gift of literature. Books are a great joy for me.

I'll tell you this as I sign off: I'm abstinent today, as I have been for 223 days now. I'm lighter than I have ever been in my adult life, emotionally, spiritually AND physically. And I'm really happy. God continues to do for me what I could never do for myself.

I'm grateful to you for your love and support.


downsizers said...

I am so glad I found your blog. I have been reading a lot of OA material and have gotten so much from it. I share many of your emotions and concerns when it comes to my self-confidence and how others might perceive me. Good post.

fluffyglutton said...

Thank you for your blog. It is very inspitational and I can't wait to read more. I recently started my own blog as I am a compulsive over-eater. Take a look, your input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

::Hi Charlie::
;-) I used to be in program a few years ago, for many years but I started to do it on my own and it work for a while but tonight I started to look for some help and I thought what better way than a blog, so I found some and between those found yours.
Thanks for sharing, and it interesting to me that I have been thinking about running a 5k but in my case I thought I did not have the "light frame" but I was told that is not an impediment so I might do it, I have done one before. I want to share with you if you don't mind my struggle....I can't do it alone, I'd tried but I can't. Every time that I reach certain number on the scale, I over eat until I gain 10,20 or 30 lb so yeah I need help, I am going to read my AA and OA lit. get on some online meetings and see what happens.

In the mean time, thanks for your postings,and don't worry about how perfect your postings are thankfully there is a backspace and delete key ;-)

Thanks again and forgive my mistakes