My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.
::Hi, Charlie!::
I just went to my first meeting in months and months. I'm so glad I did. And the cool thing was, I did it while I was sitting here in my PJs... It was an online meeting. You can check it out here.
I can't seem to even get a day of abstinence put together here, but for some reason I have hope today. I got to a meeting! Miracles happen. And I actually stayed present for most of it, not surfing the net or playing with iTunes. There was a lot of people and a lot of recovery. I shared, just my discouragement and struggle, and I felt welcomed. I remembered that I have a home in OA.
I woke up on Sunday to excruciating pain in my left foot. I finally went to the doctor today and had it diagnosed as gout. I didn't know anything about gout before, but man, I do now. It is not cool. But he gave me some pretty strong drugs (I feel totally stoned right now), and my foot is starting to feel better.
Now. Tomorrow is a new day. God, help me, one day at a time, to find you in the abstinence.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Back in Business
My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.
::Hi, Charlie!::
I know it's been a while, and I'm not sure I can even begin to cover what I've been up to in the past month. In many ways, I have a new life. I am overwhelmed with blessing. I have a new job, a new house (that I'm BUYING... a first for me and my family) and a brand-new part of the country to live in. It's so beautiful here. For the past 10 years I've lived in HUGE metro areas - millions of people. Now I live in a small town of 15,000 within a larger metro area of half a million people. It's perfect. Arts, great food, an international airport, parks and museums, a good downtown... but so easy to get around! People so friendly and welcoming! And our house it almost in the country! There are horses and cows and forest and fields... It's really wonderful. My wife and my kids are really loving it.
And then there's the pressure of a new job, new expectations, new situations, new people. I'm a music minister (Have I ever told you that?), so my role is very public... and people's first impressions are strong. In some ways, it's all about image and performance... That can be tough. I really want people to focus on GOD in our worship gatherings, but sometimes people can focus on the leaders on the platform... like it's a show or a concert. And I want to be a PASTOR first, not a performer... to love and serve people.
Food has been so bad, so rough, for so long. Relapse is a bitch. I've been reading the OA book, "A New Beginning: Stories of Recovery from Relapse". Some of it is uplifting and some discouraging, but for the most part I think I feel hopeful. I am settling into a routine. Oh my gosh, check this-- I have actually worked out for 4 nights in a row! My wife and I got a gym membership at this little local 24/7 gym, and I go in there and do 30 minutes on an elliptical machine while I watch TV. It feels great to be active. And I am not going to set myself up to fail again (I always say "I'm going to go EVERY night!" and then I miss one and basically give up.)
It's been hard because we've been on the road. My family and I have driven approximately 3,000 miles this past summer, first to live with my in-laws while I was unemployed, then to move here to our new home. I CAN choose to stay on my food plan on the road, to make healthy choices, but it's tough. And the lure of sugar and sweet coffee drinks and ice cream and McDonald's (Damn McDonald's!) was just too powerful. And then we got here and people have been SO great... bringing over meals, taking us out, all kinds of things. It's amazing. And so hard.
So, for today, I'm back on the plan. I have so far been unwilling to give up entirely, to surrender Starbucks drinks to God. The last few days, even though I'm calling them "abstinent," have contained sweet lattes. When will I be willing to give those up? Maybe tomorrow I'll be ready for that. I honestly don't know. I DO know that my Program will not be solid until I do... I swear, a chai latte is my gateway drug.
But what a relief to be here, to be settling in, to be receiving a PAYCHECK! (I got one yesterday for the first time since the beginning of May. It was awesome...)
And to be buying a house? (Thank you, $8,000 tax credit for first-time homeowners!) What a joy.
I'm off to Whole Foods to buy Stevia. I think maybe tomorrow I WILL be willing to lose the 'bucks.
Thanks for reading. One Day at a Time, let's surrender to God and let Him heal us!
::Hi, Charlie!::
I know it's been a while, and I'm not sure I can even begin to cover what I've been up to in the past month. In many ways, I have a new life. I am overwhelmed with blessing. I have a new job, a new house (that I'm BUYING... a first for me and my family) and a brand-new part of the country to live in. It's so beautiful here. For the past 10 years I've lived in HUGE metro areas - millions of people. Now I live in a small town of 15,000 within a larger metro area of half a million people. It's perfect. Arts, great food, an international airport, parks and museums, a good downtown... but so easy to get around! People so friendly and welcoming! And our house it almost in the country! There are horses and cows and forest and fields... It's really wonderful. My wife and my kids are really loving it.
And then there's the pressure of a new job, new expectations, new situations, new people. I'm a music minister (Have I ever told you that?), so my role is very public... and people's first impressions are strong. In some ways, it's all about image and performance... That can be tough. I really want people to focus on GOD in our worship gatherings, but sometimes people can focus on the leaders on the platform... like it's a show or a concert. And I want to be a PASTOR first, not a performer... to love and serve people.
Food has been so bad, so rough, for so long. Relapse is a bitch. I've been reading the OA book, "A New Beginning: Stories of Recovery from Relapse". Some of it is uplifting and some discouraging, but for the most part I think I feel hopeful. I am settling into a routine. Oh my gosh, check this-- I have actually worked out for 4 nights in a row! My wife and I got a gym membership at this little local 24/7 gym, and I go in there and do 30 minutes on an elliptical machine while I watch TV. It feels great to be active. And I am not going to set myself up to fail again (I always say "I'm going to go EVERY night!" and then I miss one and basically give up.)
It's been hard because we've been on the road. My family and I have driven approximately 3,000 miles this past summer, first to live with my in-laws while I was unemployed, then to move here to our new home. I CAN choose to stay on my food plan on the road, to make healthy choices, but it's tough. And the lure of sugar and sweet coffee drinks and ice cream and McDonald's (Damn McDonald's!) was just too powerful. And then we got here and people have been SO great... bringing over meals, taking us out, all kinds of things. It's amazing. And so hard.
So, for today, I'm back on the plan. I have so far been unwilling to give up entirely, to surrender Starbucks drinks to God. The last few days, even though I'm calling them "abstinent," have contained sweet lattes. When will I be willing to give those up? Maybe tomorrow I'll be ready for that. I honestly don't know. I DO know that my Program will not be solid until I do... I swear, a chai latte is my gateway drug.
But what a relief to be here, to be settling in, to be receiving a PAYCHECK! (I got one yesterday for the first time since the beginning of May. It was awesome...)
And to be buying a house? (Thank you, $8,000 tax credit for first-time homeowners!) What a joy.
I'm off to Whole Foods to buy Stevia. I think maybe tomorrow I WILL be willing to lose the 'bucks.
Thanks for reading. One Day at a Time, let's surrender to God and let Him heal us!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Another Day
Hi, I'm Charlie, a compulsive overeater.
::Hi, Charlie!::
I'm in a much better place today. Serene, almost. It's the third day of abstinence, and it feels really good. I know I'm a perfectionist. I know I'm addicted to the scale IN ADDITION TO the food. And I know I'm out of control, so today again I'm turning it over.
Help me, God.
My wife is bringing pizza home. I'm going to have chicken and salad. And I'm OK with that.
::Hi, Charlie!::
I'm in a much better place today. Serene, almost. It's the third day of abstinence, and it feels really good. I know I'm a perfectionist. I know I'm addicted to the scale IN ADDITION TO the food. And I know I'm out of control, so today again I'm turning it over.
Help me, God.
My wife is bringing pizza home. I'm going to have chicken and salad. And I'm OK with that.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
220
Charlie. COE.
::Hi, Charlie!::
Is my relapse over? Will those horrifying numbers stop me? Not if history is any indication.
I have a job now. I'm moving soon. I'm excited. Great things are happening. I need to relax and find serenity again. I was up early this morning, seeking God and reading/journaling. In the power of God, I can do this.
Peace to me. Peace to all of us. And grace, too. Lots of grace.
::Hi, Charlie!::
Is my relapse over? Will those horrifying numbers stop me? Not if history is any indication.
I have a job now. I'm moving soon. I'm excited. Great things are happening. I need to relax and find serenity again. I was up early this morning, seeking God and reading/journaling. In the power of God, I can do this.
Peace to me. Peace to all of us. And grace, too. Lots of grace.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Again?
My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.
::Hi, Charlie!::
Help! Starting again today. Help! God, help!
::Hi, Charlie!::
Help! Starting again today. Help! God, help!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
My, my, my...
My name is Charlie. I am definitely a compulsive overeater.
::Hi, Charlie!::
Today I start over. I'll keep in touch. If you read this, please say a prayer for me today. Willingness. Surrender.
::Hi, Charlie!::
Today I start over. I'll keep in touch. If you read this, please say a prayer for me today. Willingness. Surrender.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Not As Bad As It Could Have Been
Charlie, compulsive overeater.
::Hi, Charlie!::
Hey. So yesterday I got on the scale and I weighed 210! It was bad, but not as bad as it could have been. And today, after only one day of eating well, I was down to 206.6. It's always like that. When I stop abusing my body with food, the weight starts to come off rather quickly.
This is the second day in a row now that I have gotten up, gone on a walk/run with my wife, had a healthy breakfast and then spent some time reading my bible and journaling BEFORE getting online.
I'm doing some Celebrate Recovery workbooks now, to guide me through the 12 steps. I think this is going to help.
::Hi, Charlie!::
Hey. So yesterday I got on the scale and I weighed 210! It was bad, but not as bad as it could have been. And today, after only one day of eating well, I was down to 206.6. It's always like that. When I stop abusing my body with food, the weight starts to come off rather quickly.
This is the second day in a row now that I have gotten up, gone on a walk/run with my wife, had a healthy breakfast and then spent some time reading my bible and journaling BEFORE getting online.
I'm doing some Celebrate Recovery workbooks now, to guide me through the 12 steps. I think this is going to help.
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