::Hi, Charlie!::
Apparently I'm also "normal," at least according to the Body Mass Index (BMI) calculator:
This morning was my monthly weigh-in, and I weigh 171 pounds, the lowest in my adult life. I'm down 61.2 pounds from my most recent high of 232.2, and I'm down 69 pounds from my all-time high of 240.
What a long, strange trip it's been:
And it's not over. Last night I was at a dinner party. Two friend were commenting on the fact that I had brought my dinner in a brown paper bag instead of eating the lasagna they had. As I munched on cold carrots and chicken, one of the women said, "But surely you don't have to do this the rest of your life! You look great! You shouldn't lose any more weight, right?" It was another opportunity to simply tell them that I am working with a doctor and a nutritionist to put the right foods and the right amounts of food into my body, and that I don't know how long I'll do this, but it's working today, so I'm gonna do it tomorrow too...
I remember in the first incarnation of this blog, I finally reached "goal weight," I posted a picture of my feet on the scale showing the number 172. I was so proud. I had arrived. Of course, I wasn't working the steps. I didn't have a sponsor. I didn't even really have a food plan. And later that month... I downed a milkshake from Baskin Robbins. I looked in the mirror. I looked the same. Everything was fine. I was cured. So, later that week, I had another. And then another.
The rest is history, of course, as I plunged into relapse and began a slow-but sure return of every single pound I had lost.
So... Back to normal. I think it's pretty obvious that I'm not normal. I'm gonna stick with this thing, because if I don't, I'll be right back where I was in the worst of my disease. I'll gain it all back... and maybe worse, I'll lose the discipline, the clear thinking, the freedom, the spiritual health, the fulfillment, the (9th step) promises that I'm enjoying now. God, never let me forget that.
My name is Charlie. I am *not* normal. I am a compulsive overeater.
10 comments:
Charlie, I am so proud of you. Not because of the weight you've lost (you know me... in my mind it *can't* be about weight- just my thing) but because of how far you've come from when I met you in your understanding of The Program, what it means, how it works, and how you work it. And you can count on the fellowship, and know that if you ever go back to that place, I'll be right there telling you exactly what I told you in the beginning... abstinence is always NOW. Just NOW and NOW and NOW.
You're amazing. I'm so glad we're on the same team. :)
Charlie, I too am proud of you and the way things have gone for you. Only one comment... You are Normal! (for a compulsive overeater... LOL) So glad you shared your story with the rest of us. Who knows... someone else may join us because they read it here!
Keep trusting HP and doing the steps!
Hugs... Cindy in WV
Hi Charlie, I got up because I could not sleep - I ate crazily last night. Was just not willing to ring another OA/my sponsor when I felt sudden craving. Thank God I have stayed clear of sugar for ages, that would make me completely crazy. I find your writing that I found this night very, very inspiring. And also G.Rabanon who says 'abstinence is always now, now, now'. I am also glad to be on the same team even if I have never talked to or met any of you. Am on my step 4 again. I hope my food will be cleaner through that. Tonight I suddenly thought I could actually get a heart attack through overeating. I am not overly obese, but it is easily done... I felt so bloated, who knows what my heart is suffering. I am praying for the willingness to ask for help when I need it! I am very happy for you re. weight loss, and I, too, see that your understanding of the Program is much deeper nowadays. Can I ask you a favour to pray for me, please? I need to get constant clean abstinence! Can't play around with it. I tend to think that it is only a weight issue, and even my extra weight troubles me a lot these days. Thank you for reading this.
Thank you All! I am so grateful for you and your encouragement and support... Sabilon, thank you especially for your honesty tonight. Question: Are you on Twitter or do you have a blog? G. and I met via Twitter. There are wonderful people there who are a little more immediate when you need support... Just wondering. Wish we could talk on the phone sometime! I value hook-up calls so much!
And you too, Cindy... Are you on Twitter?
THANK YOU. Can't tell you how often I hear "you don't plan on losing any more weight, do you?" They figure if I keep eating healthy that I'm trying to lose weight, alluding to this being a "phase."
Eating healthy should never be a phase.
Granted, I am trying to lose about 10 more pounds, but still...once I lose those pounds, it won't be any different. I might not feel so guilty when I eat a piece of cake, but I will exercise regularly and eat a well-balanced diet. And a little cake.
No Charlie, I don't understand Twitter yet... so I just do my thing here. LOL That is what happens when you are as old as me. LOL
Hugs... Cindy
Hi Charlie, No, I am not on Twitter and not planning to be. Have just left Facebook, am fed up with privacy issues etc. But you are officially following my blog (I have only started writing again the day I wrote to you.) The Blog is http://recoveringcompulsiveovereater.blogspot.com/
How do you guys exchange phone no.s without the whole world being able to see it???? By the way, I am overseas, in Europe.
Sabilon... On Twitter, we can do direct messages that no one else can see. That's how I first met G. Rabanon (http://rabanon.blogspot.com) and OAMegan (http://oamegan.blogspot.com). They are now regular phone friends of mine. Too bad were not in the same country, though! I doubt we could talk live cheaply... unless through Skype or something...
Hm, I have to sleep on that - Twitter... I can ring the States at no extra cost, is part of a package. At least to a landline.
I am practising 'sleeping on things' - am not good at it yet. Will consider Twitter just for this purpose. Would be nice to talk to you on the phone. But I am not doing HOW and not intending to. (just in case that matters to you).
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