Answers

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

When I last posted here, I was looking for answers. I wanted to know "Why?" Why the hell I had to keep living in the straightjacket of OA-HOW. Why I had to keep calling in my food. Why I had to make three phone calls every single day. Why I had to call a sponsor just to make a simple food change.

I got some great responses here on the blog. (Thank you!) I talked about it on my hook-up calls. I talked to my sponsor about it. I talked to Mrs. Charlie about it. I talked to God about it. And I have come to some realizations.

First of all, I don't have to do this. I choose to do it. For today. This is like Basic Recovery 101. No one is making me do this.

Second, I may not do this the rest of my life. Some members end up leaving OA-HOW. They move into a less structured version or OA and do just fine. There is a woman in my local OA group who did just that, and she's been abstinent for 30 years. Of course, some people "leave OA-HOW" (read: relapse) and their lives dissolve once again into misery. As the AA Big Book says on p. 30, "All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization." So if I ever do choose to make that change to my program, it will not be without much thought and prayer, and much input from my sponsor and my fellows in the program.

Third, God has answered my "Why?" question in many ways lately:

• A member called me out of the blue last week, needing a lot of support and encouragement after he relapsed - big time - and was out of the program for months. I don't ever want to go through what he's been going through.
• My sponsee "stepped up" and became a sponsor himself about a week ago! We did the ceremony over the phone, and it was really cool. (Remember my "Step Up"?)  And on Monday he let me know that he's lost 34 pounds so far since working this program with me. I'm so grateful I can be of service to him.
• Last Saturday's accomplishment... I completed a 5K race! In under 30 minutes! My friends, this is a miracle of recovery. This idea never even entered my head until recovery. I am so grateful.

And to go along with that last bullet point, the FIRST EVER PHOTOGRAPH of Charlie O. Edinburgh to appear on this blog, safely "anonymized" for our 11th Tradition protection.

And check this out...

I actually went running again on Monday! It wasn't just a "I'm going to do this one thing and be done with it" kind of thing like I used to do all the time. No, I'm excited about running as a lifestyle, as a fitness program. I'm already planning to start training for a 10K next week! A miracle.

Thank you, my friends, for reading... Thank you for your encouragement and support over the years. And thanks be to God, who has brought me from death to life in so many ways. The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the followers of Jesus in Rome, wrote: "Offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to God as an instrument of righteousness." I'll close with the 3rd Step Prayer:

God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always. Amen.

A Plan of Eating

Hey Friends! My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I have the privilege of reading and "pitching" on A Plan of Eating tonight on the phone meeting. It starts in about 30 minutes, so this will give me some time to process what I'm going to say and a chance to write a new blog entry at the same time!

The reading starts by saying "A food plan is a commitment to recovery." I like that, and I've found it to be true in my life. My commitment to recovery began the moment I became willing to lay down the food, to trust that someone else was going to be in charge from now on... I turned my life and my will over to the care of my Higher Power by turning my food decisions over to the care of my sponsor and a medical professional.

I love this sentence: "Food is written down, called in to our sponsor, and committed, so that we can get on with our recovery and out of the food." In the 5-1/2 months I've been abstinent, I've found this to be true in so many ways... For the first time in my adult life, I feel wholly at peace about my life.

The 9th Step Promises say, in part, "...Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change... We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."

I honestly think that's exactly what I'm experiencing... I'm already beginning to experience these incredible promises! The more I work this program, the more purposeful I become, the more disciplined, the better able to deal with life on life's terms. And it all starts with the Plan of Eating.

I have a conference coming up next week. I will be in a hotel and conference center in Chicago for a week. It's my 11th year going to this particular conference, and I look forward to it every year. I get to see dear friends and colleages that I respect so much. Most of the time, our free time revolves around hanging out in restaurants and bars, talking and laughing deep into the night. I've been worried about how I would follow my Plan of Eating in Chicago. I knew I would stay abstinent. I'm committed to abstinence, and I've already received such gifts as a result... I just didn't know exactly how I would stay abstinent.

I finally reached a decision last weekend. Simple is best. I typically eat very simply, even repetitively. I often commit the same foods to my sponsor day after day. Why change anything in Chicago? It's not that I'm unwilling to weigh and measure in restaurants. I do that whenever I choose to go out. But for the sake of peace and simplicity, I decided to eat in my room or to pack my meals and take them with me. My wife found an online grocery delivery service, and we ordered a week's worth of groceries, to be delivered the day I arrive. I stocked up on non perishables wherever possible, and I even ordered plasticware, a can opener and plates! I called the hotel and ordered a refrigerator for my room, and I'm all set. The total cost was less than half what I would normally spend in a week of eating in restaurants, so my employer was more than happy to pay for everything.

I'm excited about next week now. As the reading says, now I can get on with my recovery and out of the food. My choices are already made. I feel great peace about next week, and I can enjoy my friends and all the benefits of the conference without getting bogged down in food obsession.

Living the Promises... Already

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

Funny. I thought things would slow down a bit after Christmas. And I haven't even blogged in three weeks. It's been pretty crazy in my life... I won't waste your time or mine detailing all the things I've got going on. Just believe me when I say my work, my graduate studies, my responsibilities as a dad and husband, and my OA-HOW program are taking a lot of my time.

You know the crazy thing? I'm happier and more at peace than I have been in a long, long time. I'm content. I'm abstinent... Over 5-1/2 months now! At my last weigh-in, I weighed 177 pounds. That means I've surrendered 55.2 pounds to God, and I'm only 15 pounds or so away from my maintenance weight.

The Big Book says: "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."

I honestly think that's exactly what I'm experiencing... I'm already beginning to experience these incredible promises! The more I do this, the more I work the steps, follow the plan, surrender my life and my will to God, make my calls, eat abstinently... the more purposeful I become, the more disciplined, the better able to deal with life on life's terms.

Tired tonight, but happy. Grateful.

I have a big conference in Chicago next week, so I'm working hard to get all my work done before I go. I'm trying to get a week ahead in my seminary class, too, so I don't have to work on it there. All that to say, I don't have a lot of time to blog this week, but I have two topics I really want to write about... 1) A great food idea I'm going to implement in Chicago, and 2) body image issues...Hope I get to them!