What Does Abstinence Mean To You?

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I am in the fascinating and challenging process of re-defining my abstinence.

For the past year, my abstinence has been very clearly defined for me by the group with which I've been working the program, OA-HOW. I've written about that abstinence many times here on the blog, so I won't spell it out again tonight.

Before I found OA-HOW, my abstinence definition was unbelievably wishy-washy. It changed from day to day. I changed it without telling anyone. There was never anything... solid about it, so I never knew if I was abstinent or not. It was all about doing well or not doing so well.

I remember deciding that my abstinence would be simply this: Three meals a day with nothing in between. Even three huge binges would be fine. Believe it or not, I couldn't do it. That was my bottom. So far.

I think that's why I was so grateful to finally let go and let someone else tell me what I needed to do to stay abstinent. And I did it. For over a year. And my life changed dramatically for the better.

But now it's time to change again. I'm taking control back... or rather, giving control to God in a different way. I'm trusting God to help me define my own abstinence rather than simply submitting to someone else's definition.

I know it's time to do this, but I can't deny that it's a little scary for me. My addict mind is already plotting and planning... How could I eat some cake? What about McDonald's? Oh, how I would love a big Mexican dinner with chips and salsa. I can't go back there. I just can't.

What is your experience with/understanding of abstinence? OA's definition simply states: "Abstinence in Overeaters Anonymous is the action of refraining from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors while working towards or maintaining a healthy body weight." What's that mean for you? How's that working for you?

Dinner Anxiety

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

Tonight Mrs. Charlie and I are going out to dinner with a couple from our church. I should clarify. We are being taken out to dinner by a couple from our church. This couple is wealthy. They are in their 70s. He was a doctor. They are wonderful, bright, successful, generous people. He was instrumental in getting me my job here at the church. He currently sits on a board of laypeople who help to oversee my ministry at our church. They both sing in my choir at church.

So I feel a little insecure. I have no reason to be insecure. They like me a lot. They have told me so. They think I'm doing a good job. I believe them.

They called a few weeks back and invited us to dinner and a theater production (The Aluminum Show), and it's a lovely, generous gesture. I am grateful for their kindness and the opportunity to get out of the house!

And I'm totally tripping over dinner. Remember, I weigh and measure my food, even in restaurants. It's one of the parts of my program that I'm not too fond of, but I cannot deny its power in my life. As I surrender to the program, even this part of the program, I find freedom. But c'mon already! I do not want to weigh and measure my food tonight. I don't want to have to talk about it. I don't want to look like a freak. I don't want to stand out. I could eat moderately in this restaurant, I know I could! I don't want to have to explain myself or defend myself. I don't want to have to talk about addiction or recovery, especially with a doctor.

See? This is future tripping, plain and simple. I am anticipating what they will say, planning complete conversations that simply don't exist. It's fantasy.

By the way, I know I don't owe anyone an explanation. I know I don't have to talk about anything I don't choose to talk about. I also know that these are wonderful people who I do not want to be rude to.

I drove up to the restaurant yesterday and talked to one of the managers. I investigated the menu. I'm having 3 oz. chicken, 2 cups veggies and 4 oz. of plain baked potato with 2 tbsp sour cream and 1 tsp butter. I'm drinking water. I'm going to be grateful for the willingness to go to any lengths necessary to maintain my abstinence.

I guess I just needed to get that out today. I'll be fine. I always am. I turn my life and will over to the care of my Higher Power today, as I try to every day. Thy will, not mine, be done.

Praise the Lard?

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

Really interesting article on MSNBC's "Diet & Nutrition" website today.

I was on an OA retreat this past weekend. It was a wonderful time, and I hope to write about it later this week. Anyway, one of the new women who showed up is a very devout Southern Baptist lady, and I was struck by one of her statements. She talked about how the church is full of nice, fat church ladies... and no one ever addresses it. It's certainly been my experience in church. We make our little jokes about how "these cookies don't have calories" (ha ha) or say, "Oh, I really shouldn't," while we take one (or two), and everyone just pretends we're not slowly killing ourselves.

Maybe it's like this everywhere. Maybe it's just human nature, especially in the 21st century in America, but I do notice it everywhere I look in the church.

I had a cool experience this morning. As I was greeting people after the service, I was approached by a young woman who exclaimed, "You're so skinny!" I am used to hearing that these days, and I just smile and say, "Well, thanks..." But she was different. I could see pain in her eyes as she asked me how I had done it. She was really hungry for answers. I could tell she could handle the truth, and I let her know I'm working a 12 Step program for food addiction and compulsive overeating. I told her that I'm insane when it comes to food, and I desperately need a program to relieve me of this disease. She was instantly interested and told me she knows this is true about her too. She wants to talk to me later this week, and I'm certainly willing to share my experience, strength and hope with her. I pray that - if she truly is a compulsive overeater - she will have the willingness to seek me out (or find any other way!) to explore Overeaters Anonymous.

What do you think? Are religion and obesity linked? Why or why not?

It Works If You Work It... Even When You're Sick!

Hi Everyone. My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

Thursday afternoon I got sick. I mean really, really sick. I was out to lunch with Mrs. Charlie, and I started to feel a little sluggish, a little woozy... Frankly, it felt like I was getting drunk. I couldn't articulate my thoughts. It was as effort to speak. My food didn't taste good. In fact, I had to basically force myself to eat it. This is not normal.

I was already feeling a little bit icky, but I chalked that up to the fact that I was on Day One of my caffeine abstinence. I had a low-grade headache, and I was definitely a little bit cranky.

Anyway, as I drove back to the office, I wondered whether I ought to be driving at all, and then I realized I was going to throw up. Well, once I was back at work it was only a matter of time before I was in the bathroom losing my lunch. I curled up on the couch in my office and slept on and off for an hour or so. Then I slowly started to drive home. I soon realized that I wasn't going to make it home... so I hurriedly pulled into a KFC and threw up in their bathroom. Nasty.

Then I got home and basically collapsed on the couch. It was awful. I threw up once again here at home before my stomach started to settle down.

I was concerned about my abstinence. I didn't want to eat anything! But I had committed to eating certain food for the day, and to eat more or less than that pre-committed food constitutes a slip in OA-HOW. I talked to a few sponsors before I could get mine on the phone. And I changed over to a "sick plan" that enabled me to continue to eat, but to commit things like "up to 2 cups of cooked green beans" rather than a definite amount. That put a ceiling on what I could eat but wouldn't force me to eat what I couldn't get down.

It worked! The program worked! I worked the program, and I'm still abstinent. I woke up yesterday after sleeping like a brick for nine hours, and felt so much better! My stomach was still a little rumbly, but I was much better. I could even go to work.

And today I'm back to normal, still abstinent. And now with a plan in place for the next time I get sick.

And here's a recipe my sponsor shared with me... It was really good!

1 cup V-8
1/2 cup cooked rice
3 oz. cooked chicken, cut up
1/2 oz. cheese, shredded
2 tbsp sour cream

It makes a great tomato soup! And it works for me in my plan. Dinner for me is 2 veggies, 1 starch, 1 protein, 2 fats... Perfect!

A Plan of Eating

Hey Friends! My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I have the privilege of reading and "pitching" on A Plan of Eating tonight on the phone meeting. It starts in about 30 minutes, so this will give me some time to process what I'm going to say and a chance to write a new blog entry at the same time!

The reading starts by saying "A food plan is a commitment to recovery." I like that, and I've found it to be true in my life. My commitment to recovery began the moment I became willing to lay down the food, to trust that someone else was going to be in charge from now on... I turned my life and my will over to the care of my Higher Power by turning my food decisions over to the care of my sponsor and a medical professional.

I love this sentence: "Food is written down, called in to our sponsor, and committed, so that we can get on with our recovery and out of the food." In the 5-1/2 months I've been abstinent, I've found this to be true in so many ways... For the first time in my adult life, I feel wholly at peace about my life.

The 9th Step Promises say, in part, "...Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change... We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."

I honestly think that's exactly what I'm experiencing... I'm already beginning to experience these incredible promises! The more I work this program, the more purposeful I become, the more disciplined, the better able to deal with life on life's terms. And it all starts with the Plan of Eating.

I have a conference coming up next week. I will be in a hotel and conference center in Chicago for a week. It's my 11th year going to this particular conference, and I look forward to it every year. I get to see dear friends and colleages that I respect so much. Most of the time, our free time revolves around hanging out in restaurants and bars, talking and laughing deep into the night. I've been worried about how I would follow my Plan of Eating in Chicago. I knew I would stay abstinent. I'm committed to abstinence, and I've already received such gifts as a result... I just didn't know exactly how I would stay abstinent.

I finally reached a decision last weekend. Simple is best. I typically eat very simply, even repetitively. I often commit the same foods to my sponsor day after day. Why change anything in Chicago? It's not that I'm unwilling to weigh and measure in restaurants. I do that whenever I choose to go out. But for the sake of peace and simplicity, I decided to eat in my room or to pack my meals and take them with me. My wife found an online grocery delivery service, and we ordered a week's worth of groceries, to be delivered the day I arrive. I stocked up on non perishables wherever possible, and I even ordered plasticware, a can opener and plates! I called the hotel and ordered a refrigerator for my room, and I'm all set. The total cost was less than half what I would normally spend in a week of eating in restaurants, so my employer was more than happy to pay for everything.

I'm excited about next week now. As the reading says, now I can get on with my recovery and out of the food. My choices are already made. I feel great peace about next week, and I can enjoy my friends and all the benefits of the conference without getting bogged down in food obsession.

H.O.W. F.A.Q.

Hi Friends... My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I've had a few people asking about about H.O.W. Here is a helpful F.A.Q. (Frequently Asked Questions) from the HOW/OA Northern California Intergroup:

What is Overeaters Anonymous?

O.A. is a fellowship of men and women who meet to share their Experience, Strength and Hope.

What is its purpose?

To help ourselves, and others, who suffer from the self-destruction of compulsive eating.

What is HOW/OA?

Overeaters Anonymous H.O.W. meetings have been formed to offer the compulsive overeater who accepts the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions as a Program of Recovery a disciplined and structured approach.  The HOW/OA program is formed in the belief that our disease is absolute, and therefore only absolute acceptance of the OA Program will offer any sustained abstinence to those of us whose compulsion has reached a critical level.

What does HOW stand for?

Honesty, Open-mindedness and Willingness


Is HOW/OA part of Overeaters Anonymous?

Yes.  HOW/OA is a subgroup of OA.  It is considered a special focus group that offers a structured approach at working the 12 Steps of OA.

How do I begin? 

We encourage newcomers to go to a meeting and get a sponsor.  A sponsor is the newcomer's guide during their first thirty days and a continuing helping hand in their recovery program.

How much is the cost for membership?

There are no dues or fees for membership. We are self-supporting through our own contributions, neither soliciting nor accepting outside donations. Contributions are optional.  Newcomers are encouraged not to contribute for their first three meetings.

Do you have to be overweight to be a member of OA?

No.  Obesity is just one of the many symptoms of the deadly disease of compulsive eating.  It is not how much we weigh or even how much we eat or don't eat that brings us to OA.  It is the ways in which we have desperately tried to control our food, eating and weight.

Do we have a diet?

No!  O.A. is not a diet club.  However, O.A. H.O.W. does have a food plan.

What is the differentce between OA and OA/HOW?

HOW members are rigorous in our adherence to the food plan as it is written.  It is what works for us.  However, we urge all newcomers to consult with their health care professional.  Any modifications of the plan by your doctor will certainly be acceptable.

How do I change myself?

Your recovery is targeted at three levels - Spiritual, Physical and Emotional.

Is OA a religious group?

No!  It aims at spiritual growth, but it is not limited to any sect or denomination.  It is open to all who want recovery.

What if I have only a little weight to lose?

The amount does not matter- what does matter is that you are eating compulsively and you need help!

What is compulsive eating?

A compulsion is an irresistible urge to do an irrational act.  If you over eat or under eat to try to satisfy an emotion such as loneliness or anger, and are overweight or underweight as a consequence, then you are a compulsive eater.

What happens at meetings?

You will hear positive shares from recovering food addicts about their successes in their every day living.  How they applied the “tools” to their lives and became able to cope with distressing events without eating  compulsively.  People will demonstrate that positive thinking and actions are statements of growth and recovery and are examples of living in the solution rather than in the problem.  Dwelling in the problem is a symptom of our disease.

What do I have to do to start?

Come to a meeting, relax and listen.  You will not be asked to talk.  You will merely introduce yourself.  The rest is up to you.  There will be many people able and willing to answer your questions.  Don’t forget-we all started exactly the same way.

Does the program really work?

You bet your life it works!  At a meeting you will hear many success stories.  Not only will you be recovered to a normal weight, but you will gain a great deal of serenity and clarity that will amaze you!  Many of us came to H.O.W. to get to a normal weight, that our first and primary goal.  In the beginning it was our focus, but we soon came to discover the Twelve Step Program offers so much more!

Checking In Again

Hi Everyone. My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I'm going to check in today in bullet points. I honestly don't even feel disciplined enough to write in paragraphs.

• I'm still abstinent on my "loose" plan: 3 meals a day, no snacks, no sugar.
• I've started calling that sugar part "intentional acts of sugar." I like that. "No intentional acts of sugar." So that means if there's sugar in a spaghetti sauce or something, that's OK. I don't have to stress about that, but I can't dump sugar on cereal or eat ice cream.
• I'm tired and listless today.
• But I've slept a lot lately.
• Because I was sick as a dog Sunday and Monday. Diarrhea. I know, too much information.
• It's Spring Break. My wife works full-time. My job is flexible. Thus, I am home and dragging kids around with me when I have to go in to work.
• I have no willingness to work on recovery. But I think I still want it.
• I'm scared of my weigh-in on the 19th.
• I have to lead choir tonight at church and I don't want to.
• I'm taking a seminary class online, and I feel like I'm falling behind, but I'm not doing much about it.
• I'm such a food addict that even when I was sick and dehydrated, even when I didn't feel like eating, I still managed to eat something, even though it made me feel worse.
• And now that I'm "better" (even though my stomach is still sensitive), I am eating stuff that's greasy and not necessarily good for me. Still abstinent, not wise though.
• OK, thanks for reading.
  

A Reprieve

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

I'm feeling good about my food plan and my abstinence today. I am not feeling all obsessive about what and when I get to eat. Somehow this "looser" plan feels right. I'm grateful.

Busy. God, grant me serenity. Amen.