Thursday, August 19, 2010

Day Ten - Structure, Structure, Structure

My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

I keep trying to start this post, but I don't have much to say. And I have so, so much to say.

I'm ten days into this new abstinence, and I feel so overwhelmed by the demands of the H.O.W. structure. Every day I read program literature and do stepwork, plan my food in advance, talk to my sponsor for 15-30 minutes every day at 6:00am and talk to three additional program friends.

Yes, that's a lot. But I feel so grateful, too, because - one day at a time - I'm doing it. With the help of my sponsor, my program friends, my online recovery community, my F2F meetings, my supportive wife and kids, I'm doing it. In the love and grace and strength and power of my Higher Power, I'm doing it.

Today when I talked to my sponsor and other people on the phone, our conversations centered on the scale. My sponsor reminded me that in H.O.W. we only weigh once a month. I think I might die, but I've committed to that as another requirement of my sponsoring relationship, and if I weigh again before September 19, I've lost my abstinence. So how do you focus on recovery - spiritual, emotional AND physical - instead of weight loss? I'm starting to catch glimpses of how to do this. But I know it will be a challenge.

Time to read more Harry Potter to my kids... I have 8-year-old twins, and we're getting close to the end of The Order of the Phoenix. Love these books! Then tuck them in, plan my food for tomorrow and hit the hay. Oh, and try to connect with one more person on the phone before tomorrow morning.

This getting up at 5:30 EVERY MORNING is killing me. And it's so good for me.


The Binge Diary said...

Charlie, my friend, it is so good to hear from you! Sounds like it is hard but you are doing great! I don't know much about OA HOW but it scares me. Why did you decide to do how? I am such a perfectionist that when I screw up, I quit for good. That's why HOW could be bad for me. I need to learn NOT to be perfect. Anyway, what are F2F meetings?
Do you ever do OA phone meetings? Ok you could answer all of these questions with an entire post so I'll stop here :) just wanted to let you know that I support you. You rock!

Ms. Chunky Chick said...

Charlie you are amazing. I know how hard it is, and I know it take a great amount of strength to do what u are.

Charlie O. Edinburgh said...

@The Binge Diary: Thanks for the comments/questions!

I decided to do HOW, mostly because my sponsor came into OA through HOW and has had such great recovery (spiritual, emotional AND physical). She offered to sponsor me (I was planning to ask her that very day) and so I said yes. She is a big believer in "giving away the program" in the same way it was given to her. So I've agreed to live by the HOW structure for now. One day at a time.

I think the strong accountability helps me in so many ways. I knew as she described her program that it was was I needed too.

F2F = Face to Face. :)

I've never done a phone meeting, but I *have* done online meetings on occasion.

Thanks so much... Hang in there!

Charlie O. Edinburgh said...

@Ms. Chunky Chick: No, YOU are amazing. Actually, we're all amazing. Have you ever heard that song "Wonderful" by Gary Go? If not, go check it out on Youtube:

We are amazing creations of the Most High God. We are loved. We are precious.

I'm feeling really grateful and plugged into my HP at the moment. Can you tell? :)