My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.
I keep trying to start this post, but I don't have much to say. And I have so, so much to say.
I'm ten days into this new abstinence, and I feel so overwhelmed by the demands of the H.O.W. structure. Every day I read program literature and do stepwork, plan my food in advance, talk to my sponsor for 15-30 minutes every day at 6:00am and talk to three additional program friends.
Yes, that's a lot. But I feel so grateful, too, because - one day at a time - I'm doing it. With the help of my sponsor, my program friends, my online recovery community, my F2F meetings, my supportive wife and kids, I'm doing it. In the love and grace and strength and power of my Higher Power, I'm doing it.
Today when I talked to my sponsor and other people on the phone, our conversations centered on the scale. My sponsor reminded me that in H.O.W. we only weigh once a month. I think I might die, but I've committed to that as another requirement of my sponsoring relationship, and if I weigh again before September 19, I've lost my abstinence. So how do you focus on recovery - spiritual, emotional AND physical - instead of weight loss? I'm starting to catch glimpses of how to do this. But I know it will be a challenge.
Time to read more Harry Potter to my kids... I have 8-year-old twins, and we're getting close to the end of The Order of the Phoenix. Love these books! Then tuck them in, plan my food for tomorrow and hit the hay. Oh, and try to connect with one more person on the phone before tomorrow morning.
This getting up at 5:30 EVERY MORNING is killing me. And it's so good for me.