My name is Charlie, and I'm a compulsive overeater.
::Hi, Charlie!::
I'm up early, writing on the concept of dependence for my sponsor. I need to call her in 10 minutes or so, but I thought I'd take a moment and post.
Today marks Day 21. I can't believe it. Thank You, God, for three weeks' abstinence in this program. I absolutely could not be doing this in my own strength.
I know it's not about the weight. Really, I do. But I was happy last night when my wife came home from being with some friends and mentioned that they were all noticing and asking about my weight loss. I haven't been on a scale in a while, so I don't even know how much I've lost, but it must be starting to show. I'm up in front of people a lot, so they have a lot of opportunities to notice.
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Just got off the phone with my sponsor; she and I talked about this weight loss comment and how to react to it. We've talked a lot about focusing on the emotional and spiritual recovery rather than the physical. But how does the average person notice that in my life? It would have been amazing last night if those women had said, "Charlie seems so serene and purposeful these days... What's different?" But that's not likely to happen. Society focuses on the outside.
I'm reminded of 1 Samuel 16:7. God is guiding his prophet, Samuel, as Samuel discerns Israel's next king. God says to Samuel: "Do not consider his appearance or his height.... The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
I'm going to ask some people who are close to me - my wife, in particular, but also some program friends who never see me at meetings - to help me in this regard. To help me stay focused on my spiritual and emotional recovery. I will have plenty of help staying focused on the weight.
1 comment:
Of course the people who don't see you often will only comment on the physical; they don't spend enough time with you to notice the spiritual/emotional. In time, I'm sure the people close to you will comment on your inner changes. But also remember that physical change may be quicker than emotional change -- so you may not hear those things from loved ones for quite some time. I had to gain back a lot of trust from my loved ones, so even though my inner-self was changing, I had to get some time under my belt before my loved ones knew it was "for real."
With that said -- we should never really hope for compliments anyway, even though they are nice. Not expecting compliments and being okay without getting them is what keeps us humble.
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