Monday, March 29, 2010

A New Willingness

Hi Friends. I'm Charlie, a recovering compulsive overeater.

::Hi, Charlie!::

It's been a long time since I've posted anything new here. I'm OK... Hanging in there, one day at a time, on my "relaxed" food plan.

Busy: It's Holy Week, and I'm a minister of music. Rehearsals tonight, Wednesday and Saturday. Services Thursday night, Friday night and Sunday morning.

Busy: I'm a seminary student, eight weeks into a fifteen-week-long three-credit-hour course. Papers, reading, tests, quizzes, interacting with others on a message board. It's relentless.

Busy: I'm working with a sponsor in OA and doing a weekly food group with some colleagues from church. I try to get to one OA meeting a week as well.

Busy: I'm married with 4 kids! Soccer, music lessons, church programming...

Serenity is not something I understand right now. I'm cranky and harried. My wife got a speeding ticket today. We cannot afford that. And then I took one of our cars in to get a screw removed from a tire. It couldn't be repaired, so $116 later, I have a new tire. Our youngest son was sick today, so we had to shuffle him around between us. And his prescription cost $40.

Money is a concern all the time. We are grateful to have steady income, but it's never enough, especially when unexpected expenses come along. Sometimes (now) I feel overwhelmed and hopeless about money. Like we'll never get ahead. Like we'll never get out of debt.

So I guess I'm OK. I'm not well, but I'm OK, and I'm not bingeing constantly. (Is it "bingeing" or "binging"?)

Funny, when I started to write this post, I was not intending to complain about all of this. I even titled it "A New Willingness." I was intending to write about my food plan and how today I feel willing - a gift from God, no doubt - to eat in a healthy way, to make my three meals small and healthy. I had fruit, coffee and cottage cheese for breakfast. I had a salad for lunch. Tonight I will eat chicken and salad. I have willingness, and I'm grateful.

Now, God, get me through this week.


Jess said...

I read one essay recently in Seeking the Spiritual Path (it's a collection of Lifeline shares) that really touched me and that seems to apply to a lot of us seeking abstinence and recovery. God doesn't give any of us more than we can handle. We may not like it, but we're able to survive (and even thrive).

So yes, I agree 100% you are busy and that you have a lot of overwhelming things going on. Yet . . . you're still standing, you're getting through them, and you're working the program. And every challenge we take head on with our HP's help only makes us closer to our HP and strong enough to carry the next thing we're given.

As a person who naturally gravitates toward isolation, I'm in a position where I have a flurry of activity in my life. Some of the tasks I have been given have made me feel I am burdened. Yet, the stress is allowing me to really work Step Seven! How odd that my HP challenged me with just enough to really remember I need to let go and let God to make it work!

Keep on working it 'cause you're worth it, and I look forward to reading your next post!

The Binge Diary said...

Glad I found your, blog! Keep on posting!!

brockmoon said...

HI Charlie! I just wanted you to know that I too am a food addict and know just how devistating it can get. I have found a 12 step program that is working for me. There is an EXACT food plan- so it takes away the "guessing" if a food is ok to eat or if it will cause "triggers" to want to binge. I still struggle, but am learning to take it one day at a time and use my "tools" -something else this program has given me. Its called CEA-HOW (compulsive eaters annonomous- how). Alot of our members were OA members once upon a time and love the extra guidance this program offers. Check it out on line if you want to, and know you are not alone. Thanks for your blog- Miranda